Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Double Dare

This is a repost of a status update / comment that I wrote on Facebook earlier today and thought would be worth sharing here as well.

Joe thinks making high school kids pass a Double-Dare style obstacle course consisting of events like those I went through with my daughter this afternoon would do far more to curb teen pregnancy than any sex ed class possibly could.

A summary:

- Make the mistake of leaving a partially consumed vanilla milkshake in cup holder next to car seat in back of car. After arriving home, find milkshake is spilled all over back seat and everything that was sitting on it.

- Fumble around trying to mop up as much milkshake as possible with random fast food napkins lying around the car. Meanwhile daughter is kicking and screaming because she wants out of her car seat.

- Also, she smells really bad, she has obviously pooped. A LOT.

- Take her out of car seat and in the house, notice that I have a true "blow out" on my hands as the whole back of her pants are yellowish-brown and wet. AWESOME.

- Rip off all her clothes, trying to minimize the amount of poop that gets on me, haul her directly to the bathtub and rip off my own shirt as well as it also has poop on it now.

- Bathe her, get her dressed, take her down stairs.

- Place her on the floor to play with one of her toys while I go to the other room to grab a t-shirt to put on from a stack of clean clothes. In the approximately 15 seconds I am gone she manages to stand up holding onto the one toy, slip and fall over and bang her face into something. Screaming and crying commences.

- With my head and one arm in my shirt, scoop her up and comfort her. Thankfully at this point my mom arrives at the house and is able to assist. She takes daughter off my hands so that I can:

- Collect diaper that I left on changing pad earlier, place god awful smelling diaper in grocery bag and take it outside to trash.

- Return to car and clean remaining sticky milkshake residue off seat with leather wipes.

- Remove car seat from car, rip off cover, spray and scrub giant poop stain with Dreft, place in washing machine.

- Grab poop stained clothes that were also left on changing pad, hit them with Dreft and add them to the wash.

- Dive through the giant mouth & grab the final orange flag as I slide down the tongue, completing the obstacle course. Yeah, I won a trip to Space Camp!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment